Endless Rain Into A Paper Cup

This past Monday, I received the shocking news that one of my friends back home had died unexpectedly in his sleep. We weren’t best friends; we didn’t talk every day. But he was a genuinely good guy, the kind of person with whom you feel honored to be considered a friend. He made the world brighter, and now he’s gone. People have asked me repeatedly if I’m okay, or how I’m feeling. I always tell them that I’m fine, but I haven’t been fine for almost a week now. It sort of feels like a permanent hangover. My head aches, I can’t eat without feeling like I’m going to throw up, and all I want to do is get back in bed and hide under the covers.

The wake was Friday evening, and the funeral was Saturday morning. I was fortunate enough to be able to fly home for the services. I was astonished by the outpouring of love for Joe; not because I didn’t think he deserved it, but because I honestly didn’t know one person could have touched so many lives. The funeral home was packed to capacity for the wake. I didn’t see a single person that wasn’t crying. At the end of the night, there was an impromptu moment of silence when we all realized that it was time to say goodbye to this wonderful person. The only sounds were those of people sobbing.

If the wake was sad, the funeral was devastating. As we filed out of the church silently, my friends and I struggled to keep ourselves on our feet. I’ve always believed that love is holding somebody else up even when you can’t hold yourself up. It was always a figurative meaning to me, but yesterday it became literal. One of my best friends and I had to hold each other up to keep ourselves walking. Without her, I would have fallen. Without me, she would have fallen.

I’m dealing with this tragic loss in my own way, but it would not be possible without the love and support (literal and figurative) of my best friends. The pain may not ever go away completely, but knowing that I have a whole team ready to catch me when I fall is getting me through every minute that passes during the worst week of my life.